June 29th Phil Wrote

Here it is; 4:00 in the morning and I am sitting in front of the computer again. I have been finding myself here a lot lately. For me it is the best time to work on homework, and it seems like I am doing more of that all the time. Some of the classes are easy, but others require a lot of time, and time has become a precious commodity in my life. It always seems like I have several things I could be doing.

This summer Pastor Bill is on sabbatical so I have been doing more in connection with church. I preached twice during June... Ask Bill or Kathy or Grammy how it went. I find that I enjoy that challenge, but I still have so much to learn.

Later today my family and I are leaving for Colorado to visit Pat's sister. We hope to leave by about 5 PM and drive about 5 hours, then about 12 hours on Wed and Thur. It sound like a long trip, but we have all been looking forward to it a lot. I am going to be flying home on July 6th to work for another week, and then I will fly out again on the 14th to drive them back home. We expect to get home on the 17th. Pat and the kids will be staying with Anita the whole time. I am looking forward to a great time. Just in case... our cell # is 267-733-3005 (yes... can you believe it... we got a cell phone. We decided to do that when Dan got his drivers license.)

For those of you who were not at the Geissinger reunion... You missed it... Grammy came down to the ball field and played ball with us. It was great. I don't remember the last time I played ball with her, but she still has the touch. You should have seen her. Once when she was up to bat, Dave was in right field and I was playing second. Alan was on first base and Jim was on second. She hit a long line drive just a bit to the right of Dave and he had to chase it. By the time he got to the ball, Grammy was between first and second and quickly catching up to Alan. (He always did run to long at one spot.) Dave through the ball to me at second, but I missed it because of the dirt Grammy through up when she slid into base. When she saw the ball was past me she made a bee line for third. By the time the dust settled Grammy was in a pickle between third base and home, but the rest of us were too tired to run her down. She wound up with an in the park home run. It was great. (You can verify some of the details of this story with her. I find that lately my memory doesn't always match other people's)

I have something else I would like to say, but I'm not sure what is the best way to say it. I have always appreciated how well we all got along together as a family. It is a real special gift to be able to get together for our various special occasions and have fun together. We can laugh, and reminisce and joke, and it is a lot of fun. But on another level, we have never learned to really share deeply what is on our hearts. (Maybe that is a generalization, but in general I think it is true.) When I went through my divorce, while I felt the support of each of you, I wasn't able to really share my deep feelings. I suspect that Ruth would say the same thing. I suspect that Jim and Vickie have sometimes felt isolated as they have had to deal with issues concerning their children, Vickie's rash, Jim's job and the like. I suspect that Dave and Carol felt the same way when they found out they were going to be grandparents. I suspect Alan and Jo felt the same way when Jo's father was not expected to live unless a heart was found. I suspect Bill and Kathy felt the same way this spring when they found they might be involved in a law suit. We all have these corners of our lives that we are not sure how to deal with, so we don't. We don't talk about it, We don't ask about it. And as long as no one brings it up, we push it aside. I think the problem is that we don't have any answers. What could you have said to me when I was going through those dark days that would have made it all better. How could we have fixed any of the things I mentioned above. We know we can't fix it, so we shut up. We need to get beyond thinking that there needs to be a solution to every problem we face. Sometimes we just need to cry together and accept what comes... together.

Your probably wondering what brought this on... Right now Mary and Paul, and Pat and I are facing some extremely difficult issues. We are trying to face them together, but it is a very divisive issue. There is nothing any of you can do to help, so we are reluctant to get you involved. We just hide our heads in the sand and wait till it blows over. But there could be so much more to our relationship. Right now we need each other more then we ever have. None of us can fix it; we just need to cry together.

Don't call my cell phone on this issue, but I would love to talk to you when I get back on the 6th. In the meantime... love Mary and Paul

Your brother

Phil